Mis estimados cero lectores, buscando cosas entretenidas, no mamadas de escritores, cosas aburridas y sin sentido (como presumir lo chingón que soy y cosas por el estilo), me encontré con este poema en inglés, que es una verdadera curiosidad lingüística. Contiene cerca de 800 de las consideradas peores irregularidades en pronunciación y hablado inglés. Entre nosotros, en castellano, no existe absolutamente nada que se le pueda comparar, ni en extensión ni en profundidad. Lo que se puede colegir del autor desde este ámbito lingüístico tan distinto al anglosajón, es que el autor, Gerald Nolst Trenité, es un genio, o un profundo y erudito conocedor de la gramática como para retarla en un poema medido, con rimas perfectas, y concebido en cuartetas. No voy a darles una clase de gramática (¡qué hueva!) porque no creo que quieran leer algo
so booooooooring!, y la neta yo tampoco deseo aburrirme como ostra diciendo quién sabe qué tantas pendejadas. Para la comprensión del poema es necesario, obviamente, un buen nivel de inglés, y un amplio sentido del humor.
Yo sólo agregaré que al revisar textos en inglés, cuando me ha tocado hacer alguna traducción, hay dos cosas que he notado. La enorme libertad que se toman los escritores (incluso algunos francamente menores) con respecto a la gramática estándar (tal vez suba dentro de poco un texto de Nicholson Baker sobre la puntuación en inglés para que se den una idea de a qué me refiero, en vista que el editor de ese ensayo, Verdehalago, no da señales de querer publicarlo), y el hecho de que una parte de esa libertad se debe a que no existe una basura inmunda e inútil como la Real Academia Española de la Lengua, ubicada en Madrid, donde, indiscutiblemente, se habla el peor español del mundo, pero pretenden que en el resto del mundo hispánico hablemos el galimatías que ellos hablan, una estandarización abominable que hace que todo suene igual.
Como sea, creo que es un ejercicio interesante asomarse a este texto, en lo que pongo mi traducción comentada del texto de Baker. Sólo me resta señalar algo más. Lo difícil no fue copiar el texto y pegarlo0 aquí, sino cuidar todas las cursivas (¡qué reverenda hueva!). El texto fue tomado del siguiente enlace:
http://ncf.idallen.com/english.html.
Enjoy it!Gerard Nolst Trenité - The Chaos (1922)
Dearest
creature in
creationStudying English
pronunciation,
I will teach you in my
verse Sounds like
corpse,
corps,
horse and
worse.
I will keep you,
Susy, busy,
Make your
head with
heat grow dizzy;
Tear in eye, your dress you’ll
tear;
Queer, fair
seer,
hear my
prayer.
Pray, console your loving poet,
Make my coat look new, dear, sew it!
Just compare heart, hear and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word.
Sword and
sward,
retain and
Britain(Mind the latter how it's
written).
Made has not the sound of
bade,
Say-said, pay-paid, laid but
plaid.
Now I surely will not
plague youWith such words as
vague and
ague,
But be careful how you
speak,
Say:
gush, bush, steak, streak, break, bleak,
Previous, precious, fuchsia, via
Recipe, pipe, studding-sail, choir;
Woven, oven, how and
low,
Script, receipt, shoe, poem, toe.
Say, expecting fraud and
trickery:
Daughter, laughter and
Terpsichore,
Branch, ranch, measles, topsails, aisles, Missiles, similes, reviles.
Wholly, holly, signal, signing,
Same, examining, but mining,
Scholar, vicar, and
cigar,
Solar, mica, war and
far.
From “desire”:
desirable-admirable from “admire”,
Lumber, plumber, bier, but brier,
Topsham, brougham, renown, but
known,
Knowledge, done, lone, gone, none, tone,
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel.
Gertrude, German, wind and
wind,
Beau, kind, kindred, queue, mankind,
Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather,
Reading, Reading, heathen, heather. This phonetic labyrinth
Gives
moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth.
Have you ever yet
endeavouredTo pronounce
revered and
severed,
Demon, lemon, ghoul, foul, soul,
Peter, petrol and
patrol?
Billet does not end like
ballet;
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and
flood are not like
food,
Nor is
mould like
should and
would.
Banquet is not nearly
parquet,
Which exactly rhymes with
khaki.
Discount, viscount, load and
broad,
Toward, to
forward, to
reward,
Ricocheted and
crocheting, croquet?
Right! Your pronunciation’s OK.
Rounded, wounded, grieve and
sieve,
Friend and
fiend,
alive and
live.
Is your
r correct in
higher?
Keats asserts it rhymes
Thalia.
Hugh, but
hug, and
hood, but
hoot,
Buoyant, minute, but
minute.
Say
abscission with
precision,
Now:
position and
transition;
Would it
tally with my
rhyme If I mentioned
paradigm?
Twopence, threepence, tease are
easy,
But
cease, crease, grease and
greasy?
Cornice, nice, valise, revise,
Rabies, but
lullabies.
Of such puzzling words as
nauseous,
Rhyming well with
cautious, tortious,
You’ll
envelop lists, I hope,
In a linen
envelope.
Would you like some more? You’ll
have it!
Affidavit, David, davit.
To
abjure, to
perjure.
Sheik Does not sound like
Czech but
ache.
Liberty, library,
heave and
heaven,
Rachel, loch, moustache, eleven.
We say
hallowed, but
allowed,
People, leopard, towed but
vowed.
Mark the difference, moreover,
Between
mover, plover, Dover.
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but
police and
lice,
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, penal, and
canal,
Wait, surmise, plait, promise, pal,
Suit, suite, ruin. Circuit, conduit
Rhyme with “shirk it” and “beyond it”,
But it is not hard to tell
Why it's
pall, mall, but
Pall Mall.
Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron,
Timber, climber, bullion, lion,
Worm and
storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor,Ivy, privy, famous; clamourHas the a of
drachm and
hammer.
Pussy, hussy and
possess,
Desert, but
desert, address.
Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenantsHoist in
lieu of flags left
pennants.
Courier, courtier, tomb, bomb, comb, Cow, but
Cowper,
some and
home.
“
Solder, soldier! Blood is
thicker”,
Quoth he, “than
liqueur or
liquor”,
Making, it is sad but
true,
In bravado, much
ado.
Stranger does not rhyme with
anger,
Neither does
devour with
clangour.
Pilot, pivot, gaunt, but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand and grant.
Arsenic, specific, scenic,
Relic, rhetoric, hygienic.
Gooseberry, goose, and close, but close,
Paradise, rise, rose, and dose.
Say inveigh, neigh, but inveigle,
Make the latter rhyme with eagle.
Mind! Meandering but mean,
Valentine and magazine.
And I bet you, dear, a penny,
You say mani-(fold) like many,
Which is wrong. Say rapier, pier,
Tier (one who ties), but tier.
Arch, archangel; pray, does erring
Rhyme with herring or with stirring?
Prison, bison, treasure trove,
Treason, hover, cover, cove,
Perseverance, severance. Ribald
Rhymes (but piebald doesn’t) with nibbled.
Phaeton, paean, gnat, ghat, gnaw,
Lien, psychic, shone, bone, pshaw.
Don’t be down, my own, but rough it,
And distinguish buffet, buffet;
Brood, stood, roof, rook, school, wool, boon,
Worcester, Boleyn, to impugn.
Say in sounds correct and sterling
Hearse, hear, hearken, year and yearling.
Evil, devil, mezzotint,
Mind the z! (A gentle hint.)
Now you need not pay attention
To such sounds as I don’t mention,
Sounds like pores, pause, pours and paws,
Rhyming with the pronoun yours;
Nor are proper names included,
Though I often heard, as you did,
Funny rhymes to unicorn,
Yes, you know them, Vaughan and Strachan.
No, my maiden, coy and comely,
I don’t want to speak of Cholmondeley.
No. Yet Froude compared with proud
Is no better than McLeod.
But mind trivial and vial,
Tripod, menial, denial,
Troll and trolley, realm and ream,
Schedule, mischief, schism, and scheme.
Argil, gill, Argyll, gill. Surely
May be made to rhyme with Raleigh,
But you’re not supposed to say
Piquet rhymes with sobriquet.
Had this invalid invalid
Worthless documents? How pallid,
How uncouth he, couchant, looked,
When for Portsmouth I had booked!
Zeus, Thebes, Thales, Aphrodite,
Paramour, enamoured, flighty,
Episodes, antipodes,
Acquiesce, and obsequies.
Please don’t monkey with the geyser,
Don’t peel ’taters with my razor,
Rather say in accents pure:
Nature, stature and mature.
Pious, impious, limb, climb, glumly,
Worsted, worsted, crumbly, dumbly,
Conquer, conquest, vase, phase, fan,
Wan, sedan and artisan.
The th will surely trouble you
More than r, ch or w.
Say then these phonetic gems:
Thomas, thyme, Theresa, Thames.
Thompson, Chatham, Waltham, Streatham,
There are more but I forget ‘em-
Wait! I've got it: Anthony,
Lighten your anxiety.
The archaic word albeit
Does not rhyme with eight-you see it;
With and forthwith, one has voice,
One has not, you make your choice.
Shoes, goes, does *. Now first say: finger;
Then say: singer, ginger, linger.
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, age,
Hero, heron, query, very,
Parry, tarry fury, bury,
Dost, lost, post, and doth, cloth, loth,
Job, Job, blossom, bosom, oath.
Faugh, oppugnant, keen oppugners,
Bowing, bowing, banjo-tuners
Holm you know, but noes, canoes,
Puisne, truism, use, to use?
Though the difference seems little,
We say actual, but victual,
Seat, sweat, chaste, caste, Leigh, eight, height,
Put, nut, granite, and unite.
Reefer does not rhyme with deafer,
Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Dull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late,
Hint, pint, senate, but sedate.
Gaelic, Arabic, pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific;
Tour, but our, dour, succour, four,
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Say manoeuvre, yacht and vomit,
Next omit, which differs from it
Bona fide, alibi
Gyrate, dowry and awry.
Sea, idea, guinea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean,
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion with battalion,
Rally with ally; yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay!
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, receiver.
Never guess-it is not safe,
We say calves, valves, half, but Ralf.
Starry, granary, canary,
Crevice, but device, and eyrie,
Face, but preface, then grimace,
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Bass, large, target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, oust, joust, and scour, but scourging;
Ear, but earn; and ere and tear
Do not rhyme with here but heir.
Mind the o of off and often
Which may be pronounced as orphan,
With the sound of saw and sauce;
Also soft, lost, cloth and cross.
Pudding, puddle, putting. Putting?
Yes: at golf it rhymes with shutting.
Respite, spite, consent, resent.
Liable, but Parliament.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, clerk and jerk,
Asp, grasp, wasp, demesne, cork, work.
A of valour, vapid vapour,
S of news (compare newspaper),
G of gibbet, gibbon, gist,
I of antichrist and grist,
Differ like diverse and divers,
Rivers, strivers, shivers, fivers.
Once, but nonce, toll, doll, but roll,
Polish, Polish, poll and poll.
Pronunciation-think of Psyche!-
Is a paling, stout and spiky.
Won’t it make you lose your wits
Writing groats and saying “grits”?
It’s a dark abyss or tunnel
Strewn with stones like rowlock, gunwale,
Islington, and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Don’t you think so, reader, rather,
Saying lather, bather, father?
Finally, which rhymes with enough,
Though, through, bough, cough, hough, sough, tough??
Hiccough has the sound of sup...
My advice is: GIVE IT UP!